I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
