He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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