I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
