Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
