He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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