wakey wakey hands off snakey
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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