Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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