I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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