ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Randomize
