There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
