thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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