Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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