everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
