He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
