Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Randomize