If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
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