Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
