My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
