why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
