It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
