I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
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