Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
