help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize