The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
