If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Randomize
