Dude my mom stole all your condoms
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
