I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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