Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
