i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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