I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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