I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
