I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
