I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
