I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Randomize
