She announced her abortion via fbk
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I feel like death gave me a hand job
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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