it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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