there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
