It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
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