thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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