yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
