that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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