I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
COCAINE IS GR8
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
