i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
