ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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