3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
