Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
