i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
