dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize
