I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
