they said they heard you say put it in my butt
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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