Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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