Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
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