One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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