there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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