i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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