I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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