Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
