your thong is hanging out like whoa
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
