your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Randomize
