so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize
