I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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