Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize