No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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