If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
