do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
