She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
