When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
