Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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