did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
